I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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