dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
