Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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