16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
