I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
