i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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