shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
