he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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