Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
