Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
