This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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