When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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