you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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