I want you more than these girls want KFC
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
