Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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