she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
