woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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