soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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