Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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