u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
