UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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