the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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