Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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