I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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