I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
