Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
