dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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