how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
