She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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