dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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