you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
