fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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