im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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