There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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