the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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