Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
