He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
