oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
