is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
