I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
