I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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