Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
