I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
