Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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