Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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