i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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