why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
