Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
