My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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