It's just like the Real World with babies
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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