Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
