Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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