it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
