Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
