There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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